Anger that is chronic or that adversely affects lives; is harmful to your clients. It becomes an issue when it affects relationships or our work. Anger is a normal part of life, but when it lasts too long, occurs too frequently or is too intense it becomes a problem.

Long-lasting anger can be from both. Unresolved anger often leads to a lack of closure, and to bitterness. Psychological problems can also manifest in anger; a deep depression can have anger at its foundation. Anger can be expressed in a psychotic episode, either with schizophrenia or in a manic state. It is important to realize that anger that is not addressed tends to cause us a number of physical, psychological, and relationship problems such as stomach ulcers, bitterness, depression, loss of self-esteem or relationships due to trust issues.

One clear sign is when your client tosses and turns at night, but the person that has triggered the anger sleeps soundly. Anger often manifests itself in the ways expressed above, lasting too long, etc. This tells us that anger is extracting a heavy price in their lives.

A person who holds his anger in may develop stomach ulcers. Not expressing his anger would literally eat him up alive. Anger is a problem when its functions are mainly negative, not positive. The negative aspects of anger include it disrupted thinking, leading to aggression, defensive behavior and the negative impact of appearing as an angry person. The positive aspects of anger are the energy that they have with the release of adrenalin, the ability to communicate of how they feel, and the ability to use that energy to both problem solve and to take control of the situation.

Techniques for effective anger management involve areas of their thinking, their emotions and behaviors. The cognitive (or thinking coping skills) include helping your client understand their anger, through an anger assessment and journaling. It is also important to look at understanding the anger of others, through empathy. The third way to deal cognitively with anger is to look at our client’s thinking or self-talk. The emotional area requires that they learn how to relax and to use time-out procedures effectively. They also have to learn how to have humor in their lives. The behavioral area requires that we teach them how to communicate their feelings, be assertive, and to problem-solve. The most powerful technique to control or manage anger is that of closure, closing doors on the past and/or forgiveness.

Children are a special test of their ability to control their anger. One of their challenges as parents is to continually guide them toward responsibility while realizing that they are still children. Clear expectations that are age-appropriate often need to be set and then the parents have to stand firm with love in training children. It is important for all parents to have ways of lowering their stress and to regain control when they are stressed out at work or at home. There are no easy answers to this, but discipline that is applied consistently and fairly will eventually produce results with children. Parents often need support and relief so that they can maintain consistency in parenting. If they are unable to control anger, then suggest they walk away until they cool down. Resources for information can be found online, with support group settings, through individual counseling or referrals to Parents Anonymous or parenting classes.

The ADHD child can have anger and frustration, as it is difficult for that child to focus. Likewise, it is frustrating for parents to help children with ADHD. It is critical to provide structure and to help the child better organize his/her world. Medication is often helpful, though not always the first choice. It can be used to help the child focus at school, a critical time for them to develop better self-esteem. It is also important for the parent to be disciplined as well. It is common for one of the parents to also have ADHD. The parents can work with the entire family to provide better structure and to help the child learn to safely and respectfully express their anger.

Our featured expert today is Dr. George F. Rhoades, Jr., PhD, a licensed clinical psychologist and the Director of Ola Hou Clinic in Pearl City, HI. Dr. Rhoades is an international speaker conducting psychotherapeutic workshops and seminars in Hawaii, Asia, Continental USA, and Europe. He is the author of several publications in the area of Anger Control Training, Sadistic Ritual Abuse, and Christian Therapy. For more information or to contact Dr. Rhodes, visit www.anger-management.net

  It is important to identify the triggers that lead to the explosive anger inside. As your clients or patients learn the triggers, they can develop better ways to deal or cope with the triggers that may lead to rage. They need a way to lower the rage inside. This may be done by journaling, talking to a non-involved party, or even vigorous exercise. It is important, though that they eventually address the causes of the triggers in their life. They are wise not to express the anger as rage, however they may want to take a period of time to cool down and then revisit the issue. The issues that led to the rage are still important. The problem with rage or explosive anger is that others may see them as out of control and thus minimize the reasons they got angry, even if they were legitimate.

  Some people automatically go from slightly angry to rage. This is probably due to past links with anger, rage or more violent anger. The issue is what they think about before they get angry. Those thoughts typically lead to the rage or actions when they are then angry. They need to think about what they want to do, and then when they are angry, they go into automatic mode. It would be important to give themselves time between their anger and their rage, perhaps a time-out. If they utilize a time-out, be sure to let the other person know that he/she will return to address the issue in a specific time period. This way the other person will not try to hold them back to “deal with the situation.”

  Anger is often used as a shield to cover fear. Show me an angry person and you will often show me a fearful person. The anger is used to keep people at a distance: “If I let you too close, you will see my insecurities and weaknesses.” It does not take a strong person to control others with anger, but a fearful person that uses anger to manipulate others. This is not always the case, but it happens quite often. The challenge is to not allow the angry, controlling person to push your clients/patients to react in similar ways, with similar manners.

  Rage often overwhelms people to the point that they do and say things that they later regret. If time-outs don’t help or actually increases their anger, then you may suggest their using a tranquilizer to lower the tension levels to help control anger. This is only a temporary solution. They may need to find areas of their life that increase tension, and then work on lowering tension in those areas to gain more self-control. Anger is seen as bodily tension plus a view of the world as either frustrating, irritating, insulting, assaulting and/or unfair. If their lives are stress filled, we they already primed for anger. When this is apparent, we need to lower the stress in our lives.

  You can help your patients or clients see if they have too much stress in their life, by looking for several possible indicators. The person under too much stress is often tired, even with extended rest and sleep. He/she is often sick from colds, flu or other illnesses affecting mucus membranes. The patient often feels overwhelmed and unable to keep up with all the demands on his/her time. Stress is dealt with in several arenas. The patient is often taught to better control their tension levels with progressive relaxation procedures. They are then encouraged to realize that “there are always more demands than resources to meet those demands.” They need to learn what are true priorities in their life and then to allow less important issues to not be attended to. The importance of exercise, good food, vitamins and taking care of their health are also great ways to stem stress in their life.

"Difficult as it is really to listen to someone in affliction; it is
just as difficult for him to know that compassion is listening to
him."
- Simone Weil, Waiting for God

Anger like a cancer grows,
A furtive, dark malignancy
Stealing spirit as it goes
Contaminating you, then me.

Words, once spoken, can't go back;
Causing feelings to be hurt.
Wounds and scars from the attack.
Heart is dropped into the dirt.

Now the tears and tantrums come -
Frustrated, need to hurt in turn.
Anger turns to pain for some,
Who hold it inside and never learn.

So much beyond, so much at stake:
The risk of losing those who care
Alone can cause this grip to break.
It's time to turn; it's time to share.

Resources:
Anger-Management Techniques - Counseling and Therapy - Offers training and support for learning to manage angry emotions. Measure anger levels and find a free tape.
http://www.angermgmt.com/

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