| Featured Expert |
| RUSSELL FRIEDMAN
is an international authority on grief. Since 1987, he
has been the Executive Director of the Grief Recovery
Institute, http://www.grief.net,
and the Grief Recovery Certification Program. Russell
is the co-author of The Grief Recovery Handbook, and When
Children Grieve, He has experienced grief and recovery
personally with the death of his mother, two divorces,
and many other losses. |
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| We invite you to read
some different but parallel ideas on the topic of Crying
and Grief by our colleague, Brenda Penepent, LPN |
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| If the eyes had no tears, the soul
would have no rainbow. |
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| Native American Proverb |
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| Look
what
RESOURCES
We have this week |
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have the following included with your usage:
"National
Grief Support Services gives permission to forward or
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is not altered, and the following information is included:
Grief Matters is a publication of National Grief Support
Services, ©2004,
GriefSupportServices.org" |
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GRIEF MATTERS
AUDIO |
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| Live interviews
with our experts, discussing topics in greater depth,
are recorded for your convenience. Now you can get support
while you are in a car, plane, getting dressed or doing
chores. They also make great gifts. |
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| How much crying is enough? |
| Have you ever known anyone
who cries all the time, but never seems to change or grow? Have you
ever known anyone who uses crying as a manipulation to get something?
There is a high probability you will answer yes to both questions.
Both of these questions are designed to explain that crying does not
necessarily lead to completion of the pain caused by death, divorce
or any other losses. It is often thought that there is a correlation
between grief and crying. Many people express their pain and sadness
through body language, tone and other factors. Not crying doesn’t
mean not grieving. |
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| Does crying make us feel
better? |
At best,
crying acts as a short term energy relieving action, and relieves,
temporarily, some emotional energy generated by the loss. We know
of people who have been crying over the same loss, daily, for years
and years. We know that the crying has not helped them complete what
is emotionally incomplete in their relationship with their loved one
who died, or the person from whom they are divorced.
We are aware of the research that indicates tears of sadness differ
in chemical makeup from tears of joy. We are also aware that tears
perform the valuable function of washing the eyes. We have even heard
professional allude to published studies that indicate that women
cry, on average, five times more often than men. However, in all of
our research, we have not found a single study that supports a physiological
basis for that ratio. |
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| Why don’t men cry
more in public? |
| As our society has evolved,
we have seen a quantum shift in the public display of emotion. In
today’s world, it is not at all unlikely to see a retiring professional
athlete, often the paragon of “masculinity,” weeping openly
in a televised press conference. It’s hard to imagine that same
scenario occurring thirty or forty years ago. If your male parent
is 60 years old or older, he is more likely to be affected by different
beliefs about the open display of emotions than you are. Even your
female parent is liable to be less willing to communicate sad, painful,
or negative emotions than you. You must fight the trap of applying
your emotional value to others. Even though your parents were role
models, their views on emotion may be vastly different than your own. |
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| We did a little research
to find out if there is a physical distinction by gender in crying.
Our results indicated that the circumstances and frequency with which
very young infants cry is NOT dictated by gender. |
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| Little baby boys and little
baby girls cry co-equally. There are clear personality differences
between babies, but our study indicated that the difference was due
to the unique nature of the infant rather than to its gender. In the
studies done for older children up to age five, response continued
to be equal. From age five onwards, distinction by gender, and the
resultant attitudes and beliefs begin to magnify. The logical extension
of our informal study led to the inescapable conclusion that socialization,
rather than gender, was the key to later differences of attitude and
expression regarding crying. |
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| Publication
Disclaimer |
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| National Grief Support
Services Inc. strives to present numerous resources
to assist people dealing with grief from any cause.
Opinions, philosophical approaches and suggestions
of authors presented in Grief Matters are their
own and do not represent or imply an endorsement
by National Grief Support Services or GriefSupportServices.org.
We recognize that there are numerous perspectives
on grief topics, and throughout our services we
attempt to help people access a wide range of them.
All information is presented in summary form only.
It should not be considered complete or used in
place of professional consultation. |
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